What Young Guys Say About Modesty

Modesty isn’t dead.  It isn’t ancient culture.  It’s biblical and it’s concept does not fade with culture and time.  It’s encouraging to know that mothers are still teaching their sons and sons are passing it on to their own generation.  Here are some guys’ thoughts.  Check it out.  Be encouraged.  Be changed for the glory of God.

http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey/

http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey/overview

Fine Lines in Modesty

Yes, there was some pun intended in that title.

So, I read this article recently, posted by a friend on FB.  My friend didn’t write the article, she just referenced it .  http://jeffbethke.com/the-idolatry-of-modesty/  I mostly liked the article.  While I thought he brought up some good points, I just wanted to divulge a little on some things.

“Because promiscuity is so prevalent today, we in the church have reacted by elevating modesty to unhealthy proportions. We jump too quickly into behavior modification and don’t realize that most of our modesty campaigns are actually borderline legalism.”   Modesty has been around for as long as the we know, but so has promiscuity.  There have always been cultural standards.  It comes from an inherent moral gauge.  We all have that inside voice telling us there’s something not quite right with what I’m doing, or in this case, wearing.  It’s called our conscience, which is God-ordained.  Promiscuity has been around since the old testament.  And it has not stopped.  Nay, it has increased with the sign of the times, and especially the women’s feminist movement.  The world’s feminist movement is not a biblical one, but that’s for another blog roll.  I agree that some people have jumped the extreme, but we shouldn’t  dismiss the “guidelines” as a whole given as a principle in pursuing modesty.  When it’s elevated as a test of one’s salvation, then it’s a problem.  As in any situation, we all need practical advice for many are clueless.  Writers, teachers, commentators, leaders, etc, have been doing so forever.  That’s part of how we learn anything.  People live, learn and share.  Unfortunately, teaching on this subject is either lost or minimally superficial because it’s such a touchy issue.  We’ve let the culture dictate our biblical convictions.  Only few can get away with being straight out coarse in certain areas.  Based on one’s perspective or reception, some may take it better from a Mark Driscoll type; others from a Greg Laurie type, or the other spectrum: sadly, TBN people.  Not everyone is receptive to confrontation, even if it is in love.  It is telling of one’s heart.  I think it’s just as hypocritical to accuse someone of being legalistic just because they are firm on their standards.  Sure, behavior modification is not the goal.  It’s definitely a heart issue.  But I think the two can be simultaneously taught (bold emphasis mine).  Why do we dress the way we do?  What glory are we seeking?  What does our appearance say about us.  “We dress like this because we seek to honor Christ with our bodies.  Love God more than your looks; more than your desire to have people look at you in awe; more than your desire to feel sexy.  Don’t go to extremes.”   If anyone says that their appearance, says absolutely nothing about them; they are either unaware, naive, or flat out lying.

The skirt test- paragraph 2.  I admit that I’ve never attended a private school as a student so I don’t have that personal experience.  I taught at one for a brief time and they had uniforms yet I’ve never seen or heard of “the knee test”.  But, oh how I dig uniforms.  It takes all the nonsense out.   I think it’s a huge assumption to say they “like” to do the skirt test.  People go to these schools/universities, etc, knowing that there are rules.  There are rules everywhere.  God has “rules”, and they are good for us.  Rules (or laws, if you will) are set, mainly for our good.  I don’t tell my kids not to run into the street without looking because I’m legalistically looking for ways to set my standards on them.  Not running into the street is not a rule or even a guideline mentioned in the bible, as with many “rules” we’ve set for ourselves.   Let’s not dismiss and be so cynical about practical guidelines that seek our good.  Take it with a grain of salt if you choose.  But don’t jump to the eye roll just because someone is more conservative than you on certain issues.  I don’t think rules like such should be used to embarrass people, but there is a time and place to use certain situations to make an example of either for the good or bad.  Like, if I see a drugee on the street knocked out homeless, I might say something like, “look, that is not where you want to be.”  I don’t think that’s out of line.  It’s real.

“In the Body we need to realize using men’s sin and lust issues as the reason why a woman should dress a certain way is actually making her just as much an object than if she were to dress promiscuously.”  This just doesn’t sound right to me.  Maybe some are using “men’s sin and lust issues” as an excuse.  But it’s reality.  It’s not so much ‘using’ those issues as it is realizing those things and every one doing their part.  Men need to check themselves.  And as their sisters in Christ, we need to check ourselves too, in more ways than one.  It’s about considering one another (Phil2:3, Rom12:10, 1Pet1:22) in purity.  Why is it that we want to wear short skirts anyway?  Is it really just because it’s cute?  Why is it cute?  Who says so?  Is it cute because it shows more leg?  More leg exposure is almost always synonymous with more sexy.   Sadly, I even learned that at a young age.  Why do you intentionally want your breast exposed at all?  Is there any other reason?

“Every lady should ask herself when getting dressed, “am I getting dressed thinking about God’s gaze upon me or someone else’s?” Because the truth is whether you dress to be looked at modestly, or you dress to be looked at promiscuously, you are still dressing to be looked at by someone other than your Creator, which is idolatry. There is nothing wrong getting dressed or picking clothes because you think others will think they’re cute, what I am saying though is, is that affirmation ultimate in your life?”  Okay, I don’t know the guy; have nothing against him and mean no offense but, I’m kind of a grammar nazi and his written grammar is bad.  Forgiven.  Okay, I had to get that out.  Now then.  I like the way he stated this, minus the grammar.  I know!!  I’m sorry!  We all need affirmation sometimes in our life.  God has created us with a need for love and affection.  That’s who He is- LOVE.  But we depraved tend to be obsessive in seeking affirmation in places we ought not.  I know this.  I’ve lived this.  I’m a descendent of Eve.  I admit I still struggle with it at times.  Oh, the wretch that I am!  If you wouldn’t want to wear something in company of “church people”, then maybe you need to rethink why.  Is it you or the latter?  If you think, “well, non-believers won’t judge me.”  Well, there’s a reason for that.  But even pagans have standards.  There’s a reason for that too.

Basic, safe guidelines, if I may. I know… it’s a list.  Bear with me.  It’s the format of writing.  Granmar nazi, remember?  I’m sure I’m not perfect at it either.  What a hypocrite, huh?

1. Let not your cleavage show.  If your boobs hang out at all, cover them.  Don’t forget to do the bend-over check.  If your shirt flies wide open and your boobs are totally exposed in that position, who gains a view?  Ladies with bigger bust, you just have a little more challenge, but it’s not impossible.  I’ve seen it done.  If you were covered before bending over, just be sure to suavely catch your shirt before it opens on your way down and while you’re down there.  No biggie right?
2. Belly dance in your bedroom.  This isn’t a deal breaker but if your shirt is short enough to rise when your arms do, maybe it’s better not to wear it in public?  I’m sure your husband would like to see it though.
3. If you can barely move in it, you should probably either lose weight or move on.  Was that too crass?  No offense.
4. If it’s in your crotch and you’re constantly tugging at it, it’s too tight.  Not to mention unhealthy.  Did you know that wearing tight-fitting bottoms in your privates can cause bacterial growth?  Ew.  Double whammy.
5. If you sit down and just can’t seem to pull your skirt or shorts down far enough because you now feel uncomfortable to sit, it’s too short.  You should have some room to move safely in that skirt or dress.  Is your show rated R or G?
6. If you can’t bend without your bootie showing; c’mon, it’s too short.
7. If you can see through it, you might as well be naked.  Refer to #7.
8. Bikinis- Let’s be honest.  There’s just nothing modest about them.  You might as well go out in your underwear and bra.
9. It’s not that you aren’t pretty, or don’t have a great body.  That’s not what God created your body for.   If you’re hot and you know it, humility wears sexier than arrogant pride.  Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting,but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised.

“Everything caters to men.”  This is somewhat true but I have heard teaching and opinions on both.  We as a whole do need to teach men, especially the youth, about their responsibilities.  But again, you run the risk of being “legalistic” in setting rules and boundaries.  I try to teach both sides.  I two little girls and one teenage son.  I’ve grown in my walk with Christ, thanks be to God.  I began to teach my first daughter more consistently about modesty as I mature in knowledge of it.  She has a younger sister.  I have been talking to my girls openly about modesty; what’s appropriate and what isn’t; and what’s acceptable in our home.  It’s a process for sure.  They don’t understand quite yet why other Christians dress in what we’d consider immodest.  So, for the last few years, I’ve since been teaching my girls gradually on the issue and they are slowly grasping it, even though they don’t fully understand why.  It’s about trusting me as their God-given parent, caregiver, protector and authority.  My son is down syndrome but functioning high enough to understand appropriateness.  I  continually talk to him about lusting.  He’s a human man.  He is not exempt from this struggle.  I also teach him about his responsibility to look away and protect his eyes as to protect his heart.  Is this idea so lost today?  Is it really that extreme?  Scripture is extreme.  His eyes wander in the very same direction all average men do- the body and any exposed private parts.  True, a man will lust even if she is covered head to toe.  That’s his heart issue.  This is not license to do the opposite.  So, men, make it your responsibility to not make women feel sinful for being pretty.  Protect your sisters by not arousing hormones before it’s time.  Is she yours to gawk at lustfully; caress tenderly, think upon sensually?  Is she committed to you in matrimony?  Then think again.  You have no right until you vow to love her in HOLY matrimony.  God’s glory is the goal.  God-sanctified union is the cure to your heat.  Women- do your part.

“We love rules and regulations…”  Like I said before, the bible gives us lots of “rules”, and they are for our good.  “Love God…Children, obey your parents…love one another…be pure..”  The list goes on.  Of course, live for Jesus!  But by these things, you will know they are His disciples.  OH scripture, the Christian life is much more complex than we want to admit.  “Just love Jesus!”  What doe that mean exactly???  It means so much more than we even know.  The Spirit gives us strength to fulfill the law, like Jesus fulfilled it.  He fulfilled it for us, and in turn He works the law through us, perfecting it as we grow in Him.  It’s a mystery how it all works, but all praise to Him who is sovereign over it all.

I know opinions on modest varies.  I realize that some are of the mindset that pants are only for men; long ankle skirts/dresses are most modest; along with long hair and no make up.  There’s definitely something well to be said about the femininity of women in dresses/skirts.  I can appreciate that even though I don’t believe that women are restricted to just that.  And I can also appreciate a desire to remain o’naturale.  It’s a beautiful thing, so long as they are not condemning others in a spiteful way.  I definitely think, the more natural, the better.  But I’m not saying it’s law.  “Everything is good, but not everything is beneficial.” (1Cor10:23-24)

His “solution“.  First paragraph, I like and agree.  Second paragraph, I have to modify to say that you should seek godly counsel from your husband, definitely.  Women, we should honor our husband’s opinion rather than being so quick on the defense. If you look fat, you look fat.  It’s okay.  You’re not going to look good in everything.  Ain’t that the hard truth?  But it’s okay!  We all have our strengths and weaknesses.  There’s always room for improvement.  Don’t be drenched in your own pity over your shortcomings.  And don’t drag others into your pity party.  Let Jesus cover that.  His grace is sufficient.

Secondly on the second paragraph, just because he’s a Christian brother, or Christian boyfriend, doesn’t mean he knows what he’s talking about, or will be honest with you.  Peers tend to be just as insecure and may be afraid to be truthful out of embarrassment or pride or immature to know the difference.  Take your pick.  If not your husband, seek out your father, elder, pastor or elder woman; someone wiser and older than you possibly.  This is not to say that your peer may not have good counsel, but generally speaking, it’s likely more “safe” to seek the former list.  Ask for the straight up  truth and don’t be offended when they give it.

The last 2 lines of the last paragraph: money.

Okay, so I divulged a lot.  It’s not as easy an issue as it appears to be.  And confronting the issue is awkward and uncomfortable because we want to be so careful not to hurt others.  My intention is not to hurt or vainly judge and criticize for the sake of building myself up (or like-minded persons) or put anyone down.  I’m passionate about purity.  I think this partially stems from my own experience in the loss of purity at a young age.  I was not taught godliness, even though my God-given conscience had always told me what’s good and right.  I did things I’m not proud of.  Impure things.  Long story short, I had a child, out of wedlock at 16.  Quite shameful, actually.  And it’s right that I feel shame over them acts, past or not.  But they don’t rule me.  God used my son to bring me to Himself.  I was such rebellious sinner, won over by the grace of God.   The other reason is that purity is so beautiful.  Our Lord is pure.  The cleanest, holiest, unblemished of all beings.  A pure relationship with Him is such a harmonious song.  It’s hard to describe.  Therefore, earthly relationships based on purity defined by God is a beautiful story.  I wish I had a great love story or purity.  But thank God he is merciful and gracious, faithful to forgive us our transgressions when we ask.  I have the chance to seek such purity in my marriage.  And that’s a daily construction site.

My intention in speaking out is for the glory of God and for the purity of His name.  I could say more, and I know there are things I’ve left out.  It’s not my intent to cover every inch (some pun) of this issue.  Our appearance, as legalistic as it may sound, is important- to an extent.  You would dress appropriately to impress a employer when going in for an interview, or a date.  Why isn’t it important to “dress” for God?  We are called and commanded to do many things in scripture, but it’s not for our salvation or our glory, but born out of a desire to please Christ, which in turn brings us the joy of obedience.  It’s for our good.

Modesty, Purity and the Glory of God, 1 Timothy 2:9

“Likewise  the women are to dress  in suitable apparel, with modesty and self-control.  Their adornment must not be  with braided hair and gold or pearls or expensive clothing, 2:10 but with good deeds, as is proper for women who profess reverence for God.”

The world would have you think, “shake what your momma gave you”, or “if you got it, flaunt it”.  Where is that even remotely hinted in scripture?

For the Christian, we should beware, and take care to be ‘in  the world’, but not of it, following its philosophies and courses of destruction and disgrace on the name of Christ.

Our bodies are not our own; it was bought with a price.  Therefore, consider yourselves and how you “express yourself” as an individual, yet as a whole in the body of Christ- the church body (1 Corinthians 12:12).  How one presents themselves, both physically and personality, speaks of their character and what it is they represent.  How much more the Christian should consider themselves before the world, that they be an example of the image of God, who is holy.  We therefore are also called to be holy (1 Peter 1:14 Like obedient children, do not comply with the evil urges you used to follow in your ignorance, 1:15 but, like the Holy One who called you, become holy yourselves in all of your conduct, 1:16 for it is written, “You shall be holy, because I am holy.”1:17 And if you address as Father the one who impartially judges according to each one’s work, live out the time of your temporary residence here in reverence).

I’m not condoning carnal religiosity, but the Bible calls for God’s people to be set apart.  We should be different from the world and all it’s worldly desires.  It’s not about being totally separate as if living in a cave or just within a community of like-minded believers, but about treading carefully how you entertain yourself among non-believers that you are not just seeking to be “cool” as to fit in.  Being Christian doesn’t mean giving up “fun” or joy.  The Bible calls us to have joy, but our joys will vary as opposed to our non-Christian believer.  Sure, you will have things in common.  Most pagans love their family, take joy in playing baseball, gardening, riding bikes…  Those are the many blessings and common graces that God gives.  That’s not what I refer to.   Those are general things.  The Christian will take joy in godliness, and the pursuit of it, knowing that it brings us pleasure by honoring Christ.  The joy of fighting temptations, and the victory over it because Christ died for this.  The joy in the heart of a Christian should also be about setting an example that will glorify God in the midst of others; that when people see you, they see Christ- not your boobs.  The Bible teaches all over about our horizontal relationship, and how we should consider others.  I know all too well that this is a tricky thing, considering our sinful tendencies.

2 Timothy 2:21 So if someone cleanses himself of such behavior, he will be a vessel for honorable use, set apart, useful for the Master, prepared for every good work. 2:22 But keep away from youthful passions, and pursue righteousness, faithfulness, love, and peace, in company with others  who call on the Lord from a pure heart.  Yes, Jesus spent time with sinners.  But He had a specific purpose, to share salvation with them, not just to hang out, have beers and cheer on the world’s passions.  They were not His best friends.

1 Corinthians 6:18 “Flee sexual immorality! “Every sin a person commits is outside of the body”  – but the immoral person sins against his own body. 6:19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you,  whom you have from God, and you are not your own? 6:20 For you were bought at a price. Therefore glorify God with your body.”   Setting an example of godliness takes work, intentional thought and effort.  Are you luring and tempting your brother or sister so that you will fulfill some empty void, focusing on your own needs of self-indulgence?  Why are your boobs showing?  Why is your butt crack showing?  Are you drawing attention to your beautiful countenance or your sexual appeal?  Who are you trying to kid?  We are not that ignorant, are we?

We were created for good works and go about God’s work, we are not our own (1 Timothy 5:24 The sins of some people are obvious, going before them into judgment, but for others, they show up later.25 Similarly good works are also obvious, and the ones that are not cannot remain hidden).  This work is not for us to boast in, since we should only boast in the Cross.  But given 2 Corinthians 3:4 Now we have such confidence in God through Christ. 3:5 Not that we are adequate  in ourselves to consider anything as if it were coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God, 3:6 who made us adequate to be servants of a new covenant not based on the letter but on the Spirit, for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.”  Thanks be to God that we get to share in the joy of the  works of the Holy Spirit.

Protect your brothers, gals.  Luke 11:33 “No one after lighting a lamp puts it in a hidden place or under a basket,but on a lampstand, so that those who come in can see the light. 11:34 Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is full of light, but when it is diseased,your body is full of darkness. 11:35 Therefore see to it that the light in you is not darkness. 11:36 If then your whole body is full of light, with no part in the dark, it will be as full of light as when the light of a lamp shines on you.” 

(1 Thessalonians 4:1-9)  4:1 Finally then, brothers and sisters, we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received instruction from us about how you must live and please God (as you are in fact living) that you do so more and more. 4:2 For you know what commands we gave you through the Lord Jesus. 4:3 For this is God’s will: that you become holy,  that you keep away from sexual immorality, 4:4 that each of you know how to possess his own body  in holiness and honor, 4:5 not in lustful passion like the Gentiles who do not know God. 4:6 In this matter no one should violate the rights of his brother or take advantage of him,because the Lord is the avenger in all these cases, as we also told you earlier and warned you solemnly. 4:7 For God did not call us to impurity but in holiness. 4:8 Consequently the one who rejects this is not rejecting human authority  but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.

I urge gals, young and old, consider your apparel.  Be thoughtful & alert as you go about your day.  Does your shirt show your cleavage at all?  Does your expose your breast with the slight of bend?  Is your butt crack showing?  What about when you bend over?  Is your panty showing?  How about when you sit down?  Do you have to keep pulling your pants/skirt down?  Maybe it’s time to go through and purge your wardrobe.

Guys- are you presenting yourselves well, in respectable apparel?  Why are your boxers/underwear showing? Are you groping gals and lusting their bodies when you hug them?  I found this out in my high school years (before Christ) that when guys hugs girls, many times they’re really just trying to cop a feel.  I was naive.  Are you touching girls inappropriately?  Are you looking at body parts of girls that you shouldn’t be?  What the eye finds goes to the heart and mind. If you think upon God first, set your mind on lovely things (appropriate for its time), you can do well.  Lust is sin.  Fight your temptations.  Pray much, and often.  Let not the devil get a foothold!

Purity seems to be losing it’s virtue in the church.  The world slowly creeps in, and our children are being tempted.  Parents, are you protecting your children by teaching them, guiding their choices?  Children are not made to grow on automatic pilot.  They are given to us as gifts in which we must take special care to train them, and to do it well.  This takes diligent practice.  Yes, it’s a tough and arduous road, but well worth the calling.  Is it impossible?  If you know Scripture, you would agree it isn’t.  Don’t be bogged down by the daily chores, but do it all without the grumbling, counting it all joy.   Be blessed that you even have shelter to clean.  Don’t be fooled- mother’s, there is no greater joy, no greater call, than to care for your house and home.  This all inclusive!

Here’s an interesting and telling message adminstered by some awesome guys seeking God’s glory in their lives.  http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey/

Here’s another site that I can promote: http://momsformodesty.blogspot.com/2007/10/original-moms-for-modesty-mission.html

This is not legalism.  This is biblical.  I’m not condoning “doing” for the sake of your own puffing up or pride or ego.  It’s about considering yourself last, considering others before you.  It’s about honoring God, seeking first His kingdom.  That’s Christian.

“That’s tight.” And I don’t mean ‘cool’.

If you aren’t sure if a pair of pants or shorts is tight, or possibly even too tight, here are a few tests as a guide:

1. If you are constantly pulling them out of your crotch

2. If you can see your underwear/panty

3. If you can see parts of your gluteus maximus (butt), or dreadfully, your front end as well. not good.

The same would go for skirts/dresses.

My how we have lost the purity and sanctity of our sexuality.  As days grow older, the trend of “more” is better seems to grow- more skin and bodily parts, that is.   Or shall we say, “less is better,” as in less clothing coverage.  From the dawn of time, women have this need to feel, well, needed.  It’s quite natural, and unfortunately a curse of human kind.  Women tend to look for gratification, satisfaction in their worth through use of their bodies.  I’m not totally against having a sense of  style.  After all, even the early pilgrims and prairie girls think their style is good (which I am increasingly drawn to).

Finding modesty in the world is one thing, but it’s sad that it’s sometimes hard press to find modest feminism in the church.  By modest feminism, I mean feminine appeal in all aspects; gentleness of heart, quiet spirit, and last but not least, apparel that is attractive yet modest in expression of such.  This is by no means an exhaustive list.  The world has abused and misused (as is what it does) the word feminine/feminism.  It has turned what is meant to be good and perverted it.  No surprise.

As for a woman of godly character, to these guidelines should she aspire:

1Tim2:9 likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire,10 but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.

So what if the world thinks you’re weird?  You’re to be set apart- different.  For where is your treasure?  In the world’s acceptance?   So shall a woman not think herself ugly or unacceptable if she fails to show cleavage or wear lowriders so that her belly may show and “appeal” to coolness.  Do you contemplate how to “strut your stuff”?  It shows our vanity, our insecurity, our great selfish need of attention. “Look at me, look at me” says the self-centeredness of me.  This is not the mind of the godly.  Those parts, though beautiful, are reserved- if single, for your marriage; if married, for your husband.  Now I know that some would say “that’s the old way of thinking”, “that’s so traditional”.  So is 1Tim2:9 irrelevant for today?  I think not.  Only if you desire to satisfy your own ways, tread with care.  Will you cause another to stumble for the sake of your liberty?  May it not be.  For you are to put others before self.  We were created as sexual beings but also to use self-control.  Our sexuality is sacred and is not to be used in a debased way.  As a believer, we are to use them to the glory of God.  (1Cor6) Your body is a temple for God’s use.  Just because we were created as sexual creatures does not mean that we have liberty to do what we will, that is, IF we are seeking the will and honor of our Christ.  I pray that we women would be aware how we should take care in how we present ourselves in public, for our lives are not just about us, but first about God, then others.  For it is said, “Love God first, then love your neighbor”.  (Matt22:37)  It is not said, “put yourself first, then think of your neighbor”.  It’s a tough balance of understanding and loving.  I know, this is radical.  Somehow, God’s word is, well, radical.  Are we loving our brothers and honoring our sisters by how we dress and adorn ourselves?   By loving our brothers, I mean, causing unnecessary offense or stumbling.  Your breasts are precious and sacred for a greater purpose than to expose them for sake of “style”.  Private parts are named that for a reason. There’s a reason the bible speaks to lust and sexual immorality and fleeing from it!  It’s still relevant for today!  Our bodies have special purposes.  And in ‘honoring our sisters’, I mean are we considering their husbands consciences, protecting their minds & their eyes.  Are we considering their brothers, their fathers, their sons?  As I begin to deal with a teenage son and the world of lust and desires of a man’s heart, I am more and more sensitive to these issues.  I pray the church, at the least, would humble themselves in this issue, and consider the brother and sister, and love them in how they use their bodies.  May we women use our bodies to the glory of Christ, in good works, in modesty, not flashing body parts unnecessarily and inappropriately.

The Blind Side movie ; love and charity; submissiveness, modesty and Christ

My husband and I watched “The Blind Side” the last week and these are just some of my thoughts of the movie being based on a true story.  This is definitely a touching story, one of the generosity of a woman, namely (mostly) Mrs. Leigh Ann Tuohy (pronounced too-ee) and her family.  Though I wonder how much it accurately portrays Leigh Ann, who comes across as an independent, controlling, steamroller-I-will-it-it-done attitude.  While I do commend her matter-of-fact-take-charge and care of the situation posture, (I myself am a lot like that, but learning how to not be so overwhelmingly controlling though), I hesitate to commend her seeming disregard and totally brash strategies.  She was portrayed as having a hard exterior but having a soft heart.  She’s afraid of showing the “softer side” of her emotions, like crying or sadness,  which is true to some extent for many, if not all, of us- namely called pride.  She’s a strong, independent working woman who manages her home with great vigor.  She didn’t stand for nonsense (which I respect) but was also rude and obnoxious (which I don’t get away with much).  I must admit, I was cheering her on when she gave her lunch friends a what for when they were criticizing and down-playing the care and concern she had for Michael Oher’s well-being. 

I was also not crazy about the way in which she was portrayed in her attire- sleek, tight and revealing clothing.  She seemingly was high maintenance in her appearance to which I’m sure her job played a big role.  She came off to me as the one who “runs the show”, while her husband sits idly for at her beck and call.  I have had some reflections on this myself as I seek to understand and honor God in how I balance the character of a Proverbs 31 woman yet submissive and honoring of my husbands role as head of our home, thus me as well.  I struggle with knowing how much to put forth without overstepping my bounds as a wife.  As I tend to be a lot like Mrs. Tuohy, much more so before I married, and as I continue to grow in my understanding and love for Christ and respect for the order in which God has created, I must learn the great balance of the Proverbs 31 woman I desire to be and the wife I am to my husband as well.  Great challenges for me indeed. 

Granted one movie could not spell out everything and every account of a person’s life but according to the movie’s portrayal, I wonder about the personal time and discipleship she devoted to her other 2 children.   As I watched the Thanksgiving day scene when what seems to be their tradition, that everyone grabs their food and runs back to the TV to watch the football game while eating on the couch.  Mrs. Tuohy turns in surprise to notice the one person who appears to value the “table time” is Michael, the one who formerly didn’t have the luxury of the bare essentials of life, namely food.  And though not mentioned in the movie, he probably didn’t have the luxury and know how of eating at a table with a family that had so much to be thankful for.  So Mrs. Tuohy is then compelled to turn the TV off at the gasp of her family’s reaction, they gather at the table together and then say ‘grace’.  The prayer, if it be a true accurate account of the actual prayer, was one of those generic prayers of “thanks” as if to some mystical, spritual beings that even pagans will pray to.  There was no closing with “in Jesus name” or “in Christ”.  You know, what ‘Christians’ usually end prayers in?  I’m not trying to deduce a prayer to meaninglessness just because it lacks a “proper closing” or advocate legalism by saying you must end prayers in a certain way, but by these acknowledgments, we verbally express (obliged with faith and sincere hearts) and give honor and glory to Whom it belongs.  In my opinion, if I just said a prayer such as “I am thankful for this food. amen.”, it may beg the question of  “to whom am I thankful”?  Am I thanking myself for preparing it?  Myself for going to the store and buying it?   My husband because he works for the paycheck in which we buy the food?  Some random spiritual bring that floats around in the air or sky somewhere?  Sure, we can be thankful for those things, but to God be the glory for all he gives according to His riches and mercy.

Though the true life characters have been praised to be ‘real Christians’, the movie lacked a representation of their life of Christianity apart from their “works” in saving Michael from poverty, solitude and abandonment.   Of course we should “act on our faith” with good deeds, and surely this they did . But only at the end does the narrator, who is supposed to be Leigh Ann herself speaking, is there a mention of thanks to God for making it all possible.  So I don’t know if this was just a part of the writer’s editing authority or how it actually played out in real life.

All this being said, I enjoyed the movie and mean no disrespect to Mrs. Tuohy and her family.  This was not intended to just be a “judgment fest”.  I applaud the Tuohys for stepping out in faith (and by faith I don’t mean something they conjure up in themselves for themselves) and opening their hearts and home to one who was least among them.  What a great cinderella story and a bang ending in real life, as Michael enters the world of national football.  I had always hoped that we would be able to open our home and lend ourselves to God’s merciful grace in helping many lives like this story.  Michael was definitely blessed by God’s intervention, by mercy and grace, shown through the Tuohys.   May God continue to bless the Tuohys as they seek to help others as their family sees fit and may He get the glory.  It definitely stirs up emotions of giving, give hope to the poor, love for the needy.  How great that God would give us “joy” when we give when we learn how loving it is, for it is better to give than to receive. 

I would recommend the movie and you can get it at Amazon.com.  Thank you for reading.