Home > Christianity (not LDS), Life, Motherhood > A Sin of My Youth

A Sin of My Youth

It was a sad end tonight.  As my girls lay in their beds waiting for me to tuck them in for the night, I hear wailing coming from the other side of the house (because our rooms are that around the corner from each other).   They are crying because my older son, their half-brother, is away for part of the summer.  My son goes on a 6 week trip during the summer to spend time with his father and his side of the family in another state.  Though we have him for the rest of the year, it doesn’t get easier and makes it that much harder to see him go.  It’s this absence in our family.  It has been increasingly difficult to see him go since I’ve married (never married my son’s dad) and we’ve had more children.  Ever since the girls began to understand that he’s gone on a trip, watching him leave and feeling and knowing his absence has been heartbreaking trail for all of us.  Tonight, my 7-year-old, sweet daughter, crying, says, “if only he didn’t have another family, he’d be here with us right now.”  Broke my heart.  I tried so hard to hold back my own tears.  I live with this struggle between regretting the sin of violating my sexual purity out-of-wedlock but thankful for my son’s life.  So, here we have this situation for as long as we shall remain.  I know there’s the other side of the story, his dad’s side.  Sure, they don’t get to see him as often but that’s the way it’s been.

See, I was a statistical teenage mom.  I came from a dysfunctional, broken family.  Lived in a single parent home since I was 5, bouncing from place to place even within my family, living with relatives here and there.  It is not a lifestyle or life cycle I recommend in the least.  So, I had my son when I was 16.  Yes, so I got pregnant at 15.  I soon after became a Christian. God saved me in a low time in my life.  That wasn’t the only low time in my life, but low nonetheless.  I was then a single, teenage mom, still needing to finish high school (which I did and went on to graduate college), alone.  My youth pastor and his wife at the time took me in until I graduated from high school.

I walked a path I would not wish upon my kids nor any youth.  I wish I could tell all the youth that their happiness is not found in the opposite gender, or in sex, or in being popular, or in doing what everyone else is doing.  You get the point.  I know it’s nothing new.  If only it could strike the heart of everyone who lives for the affection of the world around them.  I know this is only my story, but it’s not worth it folks.  Your worth and value is found in that God created you for a greater purpose.  He gave us laws and rules for good reason.  He knows what’s best.  He loves us more than we can know.  He is our Maker, our Creator, Sustainer.  Humans didn’t magically appear out of crystals or some mystical accident.  My son was born on purpose.  His Maker had a plan for his life even though we struggle with our circumstances sometimes.  I hate that my girls suffer some heartbreak because of a sin of my past, even though God has graciously forgiven me.  This is just a consequence of my sin.  It still hurts to see other hurting, especially as a mom.

I’m sure you may have your own story.  Your past doesn’t have to overcome you but don’t forget where you’ve been.  Knowing where you’ve come from helps to appreciate more so where you are at and where you’re going.


  1. No comments yet.
  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: